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Working in hospitality is a great way to learn a lot of things about all kinds of people, improve your communication skills, your language, tolerance, patience. You get to know some great folks, become part of something and find out some interesting stuff about other cultures, especially, if you work abroad, like me.

It’s been a couple of years now since I’ve started working full-time behind the bar(s) and it gave me a lot more than I’ve ever expected. But let’s make this clear – it’s not always fun. Now and then you get this customer who makes you close your eyes, take a really deep breath and think about very slow and painful murder.

So here we go. A list of situations which makes me wanna hysterically laugh, cry and go away. Forever.

It’s 9.45 am, you just got to work, making yourself the first coffee of the day, so you can get through the first hour of your shift without wanting to commit suicide. The place you work at opens at 10 am, which is written on your entrance door by fairly big letters. The chairs are still up on the tables. The door is locked. Suddenly you hear someone’s trying to open the door. Once. Twice. The person outside is getting angry and you don’t even bother to look in their direction because you know where this is going. And then, yes, there comes the knocking, or more like a banging, so you look up and they stare at you right through the sign with the opening hours on it and yell, “Are you open?!”

“Would you like to have some coffee or tea?”
“Oooh, yeah, that would be great. May I have extra hot decaf trim single shot flat white with a shot of caramel in a bowl?”
Coffee, huh?

“Would you like to have a tea or coffee?”
“Yes.”

Your customer runs into the bar and his only question is, “Do you have some craft beer?”
“Absolutely,” you say, happy there’s someone with a passion for nice craft beer, “here’s the tap list, we’ve got an enormous selection of craft beer, just let me know when you’re ready.”
After five long minutes of studying the taps your guy goes, “Hmmm, may I have a pint of Carlsberg?”

The phone rings.
“The Cross-eyed Jack Restaurant, Alison speakin’.”
“Hello, can I make a booking for 7 people, please?”
“Absolutely,” you grab a pen but all you hear is the call ending beep sound.

The phone rings.
“The Vatican Café, pope speakin’.”
“Hello, so I want to make a booking for 2, but I was wondering what day would be the best. I can’t decide between Tuesday and Thursday. Which of the days do you reckon is better?”
“Well, on Tuesday we usually have some nice fish special and on Thursday we show the World Championship in pool if that helps you to decide.”
“Naah, not really. What’s on the menu actually?”
You tell the person everything that’s on the dinner menu.
“Well, alright. How many people are there gonna be around 7 pm on Tuesday?”
Call me a fortune teller.

Your people seem to be ready to order so you go over to their table.
Lovely lady says, “So I want the frog soup, but can I have it without the frog legs? I don’t like the taste of them, I don’t want them in my soup.”
“Well, I am sorry, but the soup’s been made already, so the legs are already in it,” you say as politely as possible.
“Well, I don’t want them.”
“What would you say about the snake tails with the mushrooms? That’s a really nice meal as well.”
“No, the soup is the only meal on the menu I like!”
“Alright, I can ask the chef if we can do something about the frog legs.”
“No! I don’t want anything.”

“Would you like to have something to drink?”
“Wine,” says the customer and continues talking to his companion.

After giving your guests fair time to look at the menu, you head over, “Are you guys ready to order?” with the friendliest smile you can make and all you get is very pissed “No, we are not!”
Thirty seconds later the same person flicks their fingers and calls impatiently, “Can we order now?”

The same situation. “Would you like to order, ladies, or do you need a bit more time?” One of the women says, “Oh, yes, we’ll need more time here.”
After a while, one of them makes an eye contact with you, raises her arm up in the air and flicks her fingers, waits for a magic to happen. So you sprint over and she goes, “Oh, are you here already? I didn’t think you’d be so fast, we’re not ready yet.”

“Hello, welcome to Rotten Shark Bar. We have nice goulash today for $22, it comes with the bread here, the butter, you can have a coffee or tea afterward and there’s a refill included as well.”
“Oh, is the bread included?”
“Yes, so is the butter, hot drinks and refill.”
“Ok. And can we have a refill?”

“Can I have a cappuccino with no foam, please?”
Sure thing. We also have unicorns.

In case you are wondering, yes, this all really happened to me and I can’t wait for more ridiculous orders and requests to come! 😀
Flick me a comment about your experience.

Till next time, have a good one!

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